Lexapro Uppityupdate

I took the last lexapro I will hopefully ever take last night. Yay! I feel . . . normal. I'll see how it goes in a few days when my body realizes that it's really not getting any more pills. 

Without the lexapro and kapidex I do kind of have my nervous stomach back--but back to the way it was years ago, when I get nervous and I get butterflies. Not the kind of bad nervous anxiety ow my tummy hurts ugh that I had from the IBS. Cross your fingers for me that I can cope! 

Ugh

I may have caught an actual bug in addition to the weirdness of decreasing the lexapro. Here are some of the weird symptoms I've been having that may be from it: coughing (serious hacking), headaches, body-aches, skin-sensitivity/pain, and now fever and sometimes dizziness (usually if I stand too fast or, like, walk through the market.

I was babysitting last night when I discovered the fever! It was great fun. I was feeling worse, and used the baby thermometer and found a temperature of 100.6! After sitting I came home, took some Tylenol, and went off to read in bed. I'm still not great today but hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Lexapro Weaning Update

Heh. That title makes me think of weaning a pig off milk, not me off anxiety drugs. 

My doc told me to take 5mg Lexapro every other day for two weeks and then stop. That should, according to him, make it so I don't develop withdrawl symptoms such as agitation, or make me feel like I've got a stomach bug. I, however, am picking and choosing my symptoms as I please, and according to moi I have a bad cough and am damn overly easily agitated. Feel free to blame it on the lexapro, or on me being moody, but don't say so in my hearing unless you aren't particularly attached to your head. 

(Also feel free to send thoughts of sympathy and candy to Nick, since he's had to deal with me being grumpier in the last two days than I have been in the last six months. I'm sorry, sweetie.)

I may be weaning off my drugs but I'm doing it with a lot less grace than a pig would wean off milk. 

Sometimes I wish my stomach was a separate entity so I could punch it in the stomach

. . . because last night and this morning my tummy was a little upset--more of an anxious upset  than a normal ate-too-much or I-don't-feel-good upset--and I don't know if it was from eating pizza for dinner or being worried or anxious or from lowering my lexapro, and I am damn tired of trying to dissect my emotions and every little twinge. 

On the brighter side, my stomach appears to be doing fine tonight, so I am okay blaming it on the pizza. (Cross your fingers.)

On the Less Lexapro! front; I will be keeping my dosage at about 6mg Lexapro daily for a little longer than I was planning just so I can make sure lowering the dosage isn't causing an upset stomach. I so hope it isn't because I want to be off these pills. 

On the Completely Random! front; I am sleeping waaaay too much and it is now annoying. I slept until noon today. I woke up at six, read for an hour, and then conked out again. Nick keeps threatening me by saying when we move in together he will make me have a decent sleep schedule. I'm kind of looking forward to that. 

Lexapro Update

Day whatever of less Lexapro--I'm down to like 6mg a day from 10mg--and I appear to be doing fine. (Yay, me!) I have been having a tiny tummy ache at night before I fall asleep that may be psychological (I have been known to do that) or might be I ate too much (I may have been known to do that as well.)

Huzzah!

Second Day Withdrawls . . .

. . .  and I have hardly any symptoms. Or perhaps none? If I think about it too much it has the potential of freaking me out. Therefore, I do not think. 

Took another 7mg Lexapro tonight. Cross your fingers!!! 

(Totally going to prescribe myself some new happy meds: CHOCOLATE. Today's prescription came in a rice krispy and chocolate chip form. Tomorrow it will be chocolate milkshake and Bailey's. Mmmmm!)

Withdrawal Symptoms (I feel like an addict typing that)

So last night instead of my 10mg of Lexapro I decreased it down to about 7 or 8mg's and today has been interesting. I felt fine all day long (granted, I was babysitting for Cole (3.5 years old) and Siena (1.5 years old) and I probably wouldn't have had the time to notice if I felt weird even if I did)--regardless, I didn't notice anything odd until dinnertime when I was driving to Nick's. I started to feel light-headed. That sensation has remained for the last five hours and may I just say it is a most curious sensation indeed. (MAKEITSTOP.)

Mayo Clinic says in regards to stopping Lexapro: "Your doctor may want you to gradually reduce the amount you are taking before stopping it completely. This is to decrease the chance of having symptoms such as increased anxiety; burning or tingling feelings; confusion; dizziness; headache; irritability; nausea; nervousness; trouble with sleeping; or unusual tiredness or weakness."

LOVELY. Before I started decreasing the dose I had a headache (I think I've only had two in the last month, I never get headaches) and have been seriously tired, but that could be because I stay up late and get up late! Yay, summer! 

So I'm googling and reading all these horrible sounding withdrawl symptoms--tachycardia, bradycardia, (at the same time even! ^_- ) brain zaps (!?!?) paranoia and serious depression--and reading these horror stories of people who are addicted to Lexapro and can't get off it without baaaad symptoms. And then I promptly slapped myself across the face and said, Self, you cannot handle reading scary things because you will become a hypochondriac and believe they are happening to you, knock it off and click to something happy. 

Wheeee. It's kind of a light-headed slightly dizzy feeling. Even when I'm lying down! Tonight I took another 7 or 8 mg dosage and I think I'll keep that up for a week at least and then knock it down to 5mg. And perhaps contact my doctor to see if he has a better idea. 

And with Bated Breath . . .

. . . I will tell you that I have been off Kapidex, a prescription medication that controls the acid in your stomach, for nearly three weeks and haven't experienced any really bad days! So crossyourfingersandknockonwood that it stays the same!

In a similar vein of finger crossing, I am about to start weaning myself off of the Lexapro, which is an anxiety medication. I'm on 10mg once a day, and will start shaving off a bit to get it down to 5mg a day, and then see how I do. Lexapro is a type of med where you cannot go cold turkey on it unless you want some serious side effects. I know that Lexapro has helped control my IBS and gastritis very well, and I'm so glad my doctor suggested it, but since I've been feeling so well and dislike being on meds, I want to see what happens if I go off of them.

Wish me luck!!!

In case you were curious

. . . Lexapro tastes like shiznit. I took it tonight (it's my anti-anxiety pill) and took a second too long in between popping the pill and swallowing some water, and GAH! EW! YUCK! Horrible faces, etc. etc.

My solution to all of you lovely people out there; avoid getting so stressed that you cause yourself to need anxiety medication because at some point you will taste it and it is GROSS.

My solution to the producers of Lexapro is two words: CANDY. COATING. (Seriously. Advil makes deeelicious pain relief that I always suck on for an extra few seconds because mmm, it tastes like Skittles. Producers of Lexapro, I am already paying an arm and a leg for your white powdery magic pills, can't you make them taste better?

(See the type of things I get upset over? Is it any wonder that I am on anxiety meds?)

Finally

After nine months of stomach problems, insurance hold-ups, and a mis-mash of diagnoses, I finally saw a gastroenterologist on Thursday.

Brief History! Last June, right after the semester let out and I finished up some really hard classes, I got the flu. And got better. And got sick again. And got better. Ish. Not really. My doctor said I had gastritis, and said to take Prevacid for two weeks and I would be better. Nope. Fast-forward through months of continued taking of prevacid and then prilosec, feeling sort of better and then getting sick again, getting more and more freaked out about what is wrong with me. Go to the doctor again after losing 17 pounds, and get a diagnosis of acid reflux, heartburn, gastritis, and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), and go home with some super awesome acid-suppressors and anxiety medication. Start to feel better. Gain 7 pounds, yay! Go to GI doctor!

So my GI doctor says that I have the classic symptoms of IBS and nervous stomach. He says to continue taking the Lexapro and the Kapidex, work on managing stress, and that he doesn't think I have anything to worry about.

Some interesting things that he brought up: that I have post-infectious IBS (triggered by the flu in June), and that I may outgrow it in 1-2 years! He mentioned like a four word thing I can't remember too, that is basically hypersensitivity of the stomach and intestines--so something that a normal person wouldn't even notice is uncomfortable for me. He said that he doesn't think I need an endoscopy (or colonoscopy, thank God! Not until I'm 50 or whatever) unless the endoscopy would give me peace of mind. I'm not doing it, I feel well enough that I'm not as paranoid as I used to be.

Let's hope that within another year or so my symptoms disappear completely! I would love to be normal again and not need to take medications anymore!

Something to Remember

Sometimes I really do love my boss. He has been really understanding about my anxiety issues and stomach problems. (Also it is nice to have a doctor, albeit for animals, because if I have any questions about my meds then I just ask him!)

He has also given me some great advice. When I start to panic about choosing a career and work and my stomach he just reminds me that my health and school are the most important things right now, and that what I do right now will not ruin my life.

He said that there are a million things that I can do and still have a happy life. There are lots of careers that I can choose and be happy in. He said that there are a million ways to make money so don't worry about that, and that the important thing is that I am happy and healthy.

Craving

. . . for a fast-food burger? Satisfied.

Guess who had the Carl's Jr. Famous Star burger? TWICE? (I scraped off the mayo.) They were the most delicious burgers I have ever tasted. They didn't even really upset my stomach!

. . . for chocolate? Satisfied. I keep nibbling on a chocolate almond bar. (The idea is veeeery small amounts so it doesn't upset my tummy.)

. . . for gingerbread men? Satisfied. I baked homemade gingerbread men (okay, they were hearts, not men) and iced them and they were delicious!

I hope that I can satisfy more food cravings soon! Keep doing the good work, Kapidex! (Also, I heart Lexapro. I feel much more calm than I used to!)

Semantics

I have decided to call the Lexapro "anti-anxiety pills" instead of "anti-depressants" since I am being treated for anxiety and not depression. So there.

The Long-Anticipated Doctor's Visit!

I had my long awaited doctor's appointment on Wednesday, finally, after months of delaying it because of insurance worries. I started off (after waiting half an hour for the doctor) by telling him what's been going on for the past five months. Remember, his initial diagnosis of my problems was gastritis. 

Well! 

He now believes I have irritable bowel syndrome. Plus reflux. With a little heartburn on the side. He would like to refer me to a specialist, and have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done (oh joy!), but we will wait until I have insurance because those are expensive. 

When he heard how I can obsess over things (like worrying about people dying) and how I stress a lot (to the point where I make myself sick over a test) he nodded and said that he wanted to try something that he had found helped patients with IBS that have this problem. 

He wants me to try anti-depressants. (I'm on dem CRAZY PILLS!) These will provide a filter between my obsessive worrying brain and my delicate as a flower stomach.

My initial reaction was "What?! Crazy pills! I'm not crazy! . . . am I crazy?" I did not actually say any of this out loud. Dr. Amazing gave me some free samples (love. my. doctor.) of Lexapro, which treats for, among other things, General Anxiety Disorder. And . . . huh. I took a test (not intended to be a diagnosing tool!) on the Lexapro site, (yes, I do research all of my medicine. I read the fine print), and gee whiz, I do have some of those . . . quirks. I was still kind of skeptical, in the realm of "I don't want anti-depressants. I'm not depressed! I'm a happy person!" but when I told Nick, right after my appointment, he said that was the first thing he'd heard that really made sense. 

Because I do stress out over ridiculous things, and have some obsessive/compulsive behaviors when it comes to worrying, and sometimes I can't stop. And if these pills can calm that part of me down so I can focus on getting my damn stomach healed, so much the better. 

For my stomach, my doctor sent home a few weeks free of Kapidex 60mg once a day (It is nearly the same as the Prevacid was, except it's two times the dose and this one is a delayed release capsule, so it lasts longer). I started that Wednesday night. So far, it is working much better than the Prilosec twice a day was, but I'm going to wait a few more days before giving it a really positive rating. (Plus, I had a micro test today that stressed me way out, which equals worse tummy and reflux. But it wasn't as bad as it has been! Yay!) 

He also suggested I think about seeing a therapist to discuss ways of coping with stress, besides rerouting all the bad to my stomach. I had tossed that idea around before but didn't ever do anything about it. Now I will. 

Last but not least, (oh, definitely not least), he thinks that I can start eating normally again, just obviously omitting foods that upset my stomach. People. I HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST. I LOVE EGGS. They were the most delicious damn eggs I've ever tasted. If my stomach is still behaving, in about one week I'll start adding dairy in again. (She says, after just eating caesar salad and alfredo from the soccer banquet for Quentin. Oops). 

So! To summarize that hodgepodge of information! The Kapidex should control the crazy acid, which should help the irritable bowel. The Lexapro (1/2 a tab once a day for one week, then one every day) should help me control my stress and worry, which will definitely help my stomach and irritable bowel. My doctor does not think these are forever things, just until my stomach is healed up and I learn better coping techniques. 

I, for one, have learned some very important lessons:

First, if your doctor tells you five months earlier that you should not take hard classes because it will stress you out, LISTEN TO THE MAN. Don't take chemistry and microbiology (and music!) and expect to have an easy time. 

Second, if you are having problems with some aspect of your life, be it coping with stress, or grief, or just plain aaaaackness, get help early, for God's sake.

Third, start a blog because it is very cathartic.