Well, THAT was interesting

Things I have never done:

1) Driven someone to the ER at 2am

2) Spent the night in the ER


Things I learned last night:

1) Mom is not always right,

and,

2) Hospital chairs are really uncomfortable and you just can't sleep on them.


Things that I am grateful for:

1) That my mom is feeling better,

and,

2) The amazing doctors and staff at our local hospital who were so kind and thoughtful, even though the ER was really busy,

and,

3) The pain relief drugs that the doctors gave to my mom to make her feel better.


Things that I have realized:

1) Two hours of sleep will, in fact, keep you going through the night.

2) Those two hours will even enable your brain to understand what the doctor is saying about gallstones and ultrasounds and elevated white blood cells.


Things I fully anticipate happening:

1) My mommy feeling better soon,

2) Myself taking a loooong nap. Preferably now, except I leave for work in a half hour.


So. This morning I got a phone call from my mom at 2am. She told me she was downstairs and didn't feel good and asked me to come down. I did, knowing that my mom hates asking for help when she's sick and also knowing that she has been having bad heartburn/gastritis problems for a while now. Suffice to say, my mom was in severe pain and it wasn't from heartburn. She has already taken two Aciphex and one Protonix and two doses of Pepto Bismol, to no effect. She wanted strong pain meds for the pain and anti-nausea drugs. I refused, (sorry, mom!) and told her I was taking her to the hospital. Dad and I packed her up and drove the fifteen minutes to our local hospital where they admitted her with acute abdominal pain and immediately put her in a room. Within the hour she had an IV and had two pain meds and a sleep aid being pumped in and was feeling so much better she could doze.

Her doctor (wonderful, funny man) believes she has a problem with her gallbladder. Whether it's an infection, gallstones, or sledge . . . we don't know. She just had an ultrasound and we are waiting for the results that will determine whether or not she is released or if she needs a surgery to remove her gallbladder. I'll update when I know more.

Updated 9:30pm:

The ultrasound this morning at about 7:30am revealed at least one gallstone right at the duct of her gallbladder. The doctor decided surgery was the best thing and mom had her surgical consult about 9:30am. I headed over as soon as I was done with work, about 1:00pm, and had about half an hour with mom before they wheeled her off to the surgical corridor and we met her anesthesiologist, surgeon, and nurse.

Then we went to the ICU waiting room, and waited. About an hour and fifteen minutes later the surgeon came out and told us it went great, she did wonderfully, and that the gallbladder was big and distended, inflamed, and had a couple of stones in it. He said she probably was in more pain than she let on and that she will feel so much better with them out.

And he's right! We got to go in the recuperating area where mom was the only patient, and talked with her while she woke up. She sure was funny. Still smart, asking medical questions, but forgetting what we had already told her because of the general anesthesia. They wheeled her to her room after an hour and she has been dozing on and off all night. She is doing great. The pain is manageable, she says it is much improved from where she was with her gallbladder, and is talking and moving. Mom should be sent home tomorrow morning!

Remarks of Wisdom from my Dad, Regarding the Gallbladder Surgery, Made to the Surgeons:

"Keep all your ducts in a row!" and, "Leave no stone unturned!"

My First Counseling Appointment

Okay, the most important thing from that appointment: my therapist had a COUCH. (I was a little disappointed it wasn't one of those reclining couches, but it was a nice deep red leather/fake leather that was squishy. Nice!) 

Oh, I kid. That wasn't the most important, but it was certainly the most exciting. We sat down, and she asked me what I wanted to talk about today, and I said basically coping skills to help me deal with stress and anxiety. Then I launched into my speech of my six months of dealing with gastritis/IBS/acid reflux/heartburn and anxiety. (Speaking of anxiety, guess who just paid a hundred dollars for a months worth of Lexapro? $#%&!) As I spoke about my grandparents deaths, and my health issues, and the anxiety, and the effect of all of that on school . . . her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. 

So! Here we go! To help me calm down when I realize I am either obsessive thinking or starting to have a panic attack, I now have these tools to work on: 

1) Deep breathing. (In to a count of eight, hold for a count of eight, and out to a count of eight.) 

2) Meditation. Also try counting an inhale and exhale as "one" and trying to reach 10 without having a thought. If I get distracted, I have to start over.

3) Exercise. (DUH. If I had a nickel for everybody who told me to exercise, and the number of times I thought "I should really exercise", I would be able to afford an endoscopy without insurance.)

4) Journal. (Or blog.)

5) Visualization. Go to a happy place (see it, taste it, smell it, hear it, feel it) and once you're there gently tap your hands to your knees so you get a physical response, which is supposed to make it easier to calm down after time.)

I asked about how to cope with grief as well, and she suggested: 

1) Talk to somebody about it. 

2) Write Grandma a letter. 

3) Talk to Grandma/Grandpa/Boppa, to either a picture or their graves. 

When I go back for my second appointment in January she wants to try something called EMDR (I think) that I still need to Google. 

College Confessions: "Finals? What Finals?"

I'll bet you read that title and now think "Oh, Katie didn't study so she's pretending she forgot finals." 

Nope. I'm not taking them. 

You see, I am a special delicate flower and petitioned for an Incomplete in both microbiology and chemistry, so I now have a year left to finish both of those classes. An Incomplete basically means that I keep all of the grades that I have right now, and all of the work, but have another year to catch up and take any remaining tests (my chem final, micro lab exam 2, and micro final). Incompletes are granted to students that are unable to continue or keep up their grades in a class due to circumstances beyond their control. 

I did this because I simply do not think that I can finish these courses in the time remaining (school ends December 17th) and maintain B's in both, due to my gastrointestinal issues. (IBS/Gastritis/Heartburn/Acid Reflux/whathaveyou, plus the anxiety that I get that makes my stomach/IBS issues worse when I get stressed). This was not a decision made lightly; when my microbiology teacher told me about an option for Incomplete a few weeks ago I thanked her and said that knowing that would probably alleviate my stress levels, but that I thought I could handle it. 

. . . and I couldn't, not really, not and get the grades I want (need). I feel kind of happy about this decision, because ohmigod the stress isn't so bad; but then I feel bad about it, because I never ever have failed a class or not finished a test and what will people think and will this even make a difference to my grades, and that just leads to its own anxiety. But not too bad. (I hope). My stomach is actually acting up a little bit today, when it has been pretty good for about a week now, on and off. 

So I'm curled up in a chair, listening to the rain outside as I sip my peppermint tea (it's an anti-spastic!) and watch the Christmas tree lights twinkle while I wonder at what exactly has happened to the single-minded, driven, completely healthy girl I used to be. 

Traveling to Thanksgiving

A few things I have realized today, from packing this morning and driving eight hours to LA:

1) My kittens new favorite toy is whatever clothing item I am trying to pack. 

2) I don't like traveling. My stomach/IBS doesn't like driving eight hours. I had split pea soup for lunch and omg, hello freaking heartburn and upset stomach. Also a bit of anxiety from a change in routine. 

3) I need to go to the library, I had no books to read. I snoozed most of the way. 

4) My kitten chewed my laptop's charge cord. It no longer charges. Oops. 

5) I drink way too much water and suffer from Tiny Bladder. 

6) You actually CAN fit six people (my parents, brother, myself, Quentin, and his French friend Louis) plus two dogs and luggage into one van. I would not, however, recommend it. 

The Long-Anticipated Doctor's Visit!

I had my long awaited doctor's appointment on Wednesday, finally, after months of delaying it because of insurance worries. I started off (after waiting half an hour for the doctor) by telling him what's been going on for the past five months. Remember, his initial diagnosis of my problems was gastritis. 

Well! 

He now believes I have irritable bowel syndrome. Plus reflux. With a little heartburn on the side. He would like to refer me to a specialist, and have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done (oh joy!), but we will wait until I have insurance because those are expensive. 

When he heard how I can obsess over things (like worrying about people dying) and how I stress a lot (to the point where I make myself sick over a test) he nodded and said that he wanted to try something that he had found helped patients with IBS that have this problem. 

He wants me to try anti-depressants. (I'm on dem CRAZY PILLS!) These will provide a filter between my obsessive worrying brain and my delicate as a flower stomach.

My initial reaction was "What?! Crazy pills! I'm not crazy! . . . am I crazy?" I did not actually say any of this out loud. Dr. Amazing gave me some free samples (love. my. doctor.) of Lexapro, which treats for, among other things, General Anxiety Disorder. And . . . huh. I took a test (not intended to be a diagnosing tool!) on the Lexapro site, (yes, I do research all of my medicine. I read the fine print), and gee whiz, I do have some of those . . . quirks. I was still kind of skeptical, in the realm of "I don't want anti-depressants. I'm not depressed! I'm a happy person!" but when I told Nick, right after my appointment, he said that was the first thing he'd heard that really made sense. 

Because I do stress out over ridiculous things, and have some obsessive/compulsive behaviors when it comes to worrying, and sometimes I can't stop. And if these pills can calm that part of me down so I can focus on getting my damn stomach healed, so much the better. 

For my stomach, my doctor sent home a few weeks free of Kapidex 60mg once a day (It is nearly the same as the Prevacid was, except it's two times the dose and this one is a delayed release capsule, so it lasts longer). I started that Wednesday night. So far, it is working much better than the Prilosec twice a day was, but I'm going to wait a few more days before giving it a really positive rating. (Plus, I had a micro test today that stressed me way out, which equals worse tummy and reflux. But it wasn't as bad as it has been! Yay!) 

He also suggested I think about seeing a therapist to discuss ways of coping with stress, besides rerouting all the bad to my stomach. I had tossed that idea around before but didn't ever do anything about it. Now I will. 

Last but not least, (oh, definitely not least), he thinks that I can start eating normally again, just obviously omitting foods that upset my stomach. People. I HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST. I LOVE EGGS. They were the most delicious damn eggs I've ever tasted. If my stomach is still behaving, in about one week I'll start adding dairy in again. (She says, after just eating caesar salad and alfredo from the soccer banquet for Quentin. Oops). 

So! To summarize that hodgepodge of information! The Kapidex should control the crazy acid, which should help the irritable bowel. The Lexapro (1/2 a tab once a day for one week, then one every day) should help me control my stress and worry, which will definitely help my stomach and irritable bowel. My doctor does not think these are forever things, just until my stomach is healed up and I learn better coping techniques. 

I, for one, have learned some very important lessons:

First, if your doctor tells you five months earlier that you should not take hard classes because it will stress you out, LISTEN TO THE MAN. Don't take chemistry and microbiology (and music!) and expect to have an easy time. 

Second, if you are having problems with some aspect of your life, be it coping with stress, or grief, or just plain aaaaackness, get help early, for God's sake.

Third, start a blog because it is very cathartic. 

Anxious (AKA ALL OF MY PROBLEMS, LET ME TELL YOU THEM: Gastritis/GERD/acid reflux/heartburn/anxiety)

I have had stomach problems since June of 2009. After feeling like I had the flu or food poisoning for a week but not throwing up, I went to the doctor and he said it was probably gastritis, brought on by stress (I had like 15 units, including Anatomy, that semester, plus I was working two days a week) (not to mention grief. I lost my Grandma, my Grandpa, and my Boppa [and our family dog Rosie] in less than a year), and my doctor suggested taking Maalox. My mom had Prevacid 30 mg which he said was great, I could take that once a day.

So I did. For weeks. And it helped, it did, but my upset stomach never went away. I should have gone back to my doctor (I love him), but we, like so many other Americans, had lost our health insurance. I didn't want to go in case we were denied for our insurance (whenever we next applied) because I had a preexisting condition. So I put it off. Finally I went in to see my college's family practitioner. She said, since I was running out of the Prevacid, that I could take Prilosec OTC (omeprazole, a proton pump inhibitor) every 12 hours if needed.

And again, so I did. I started getting better! I could eat things again, I could do things again. I was happier.

AND THEN. Then, came the sausage McMuffin of DOOM. I ate a Mcmuffin. I don't even like sausage, so I took two bites of that then threw it away and finished the rest of the delicious, fatty goodness. For lunch I had a huuuuge deli sandwich, and for dinner I had another huuuge meal (I have portion issues. Always need more!) The next morning I was sick. I stayed sick for two weeks, a bad, don't-touch-me-don't-make-me-do-anything-not-going-to-study-go-away kind of upset stomach, and general blahness. And for the first time, I started to experience heartburn. And acid reflux, which for me is a kind of sweet/bitter taste in the back of my throat. I felt like I had some food stuck in the back of my throat but never did. I experienced the usual "burn" around my sternum. I had to take Tums and other antacids and Pepto Bismol often. (One night, after eating wor won ton soup, the only thing that had been sustaining me for days, I had such bad heartburn/reflux/stomach I thought I might throw up, and spent nearly two hours walking around and watching silly movies to distract myself. (Thank you again, Nick, for staying with me, even though I didn't want to talk or touch or do anything but Google different reflux medications [Aciphex, Protonix, Nexium] because it made me feel better to read about how people GOT BETTER. It is possible!) That night I took, if I remember correctly, three doses of Pepto Bismol, four generic antacids, and two rolaids, plus my usual nightly Prilosec.

I now have Googled so much about proton pump inhibitors and H2 blockers that I probably mutter about them in my sleep. I know procedures. I know prices. (HOLYSHITONTOAST Aciphex prescription for one month is $205. GAH).

It has now been about four weeks since the McMuffin of Doom. I have been gradually inching my way towards feelin better again. But I am still not "better". This is messing with my life. I have dropped 13 pounds, and I am still losing weight. I have a very restricted diet (and now more food cravings than I know what to do with, or are able to indulge). My stomach is still bad, I still get heartburn, and I still reflux. I am right now.

Here's what I have noticed plays a roll in when I feel sick:

First, obviously, if I eat anything spicy, fatty, caffinated, acidic, etc. etc. I actually have cut all that out of my diet so I can't swear if it affects me, but I am too scared right now to try anything that can potentially worsen my stomach.

Second, STRESS. My God. I have a microbiology test on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and I know I am stressed about it, but I can't do anything to stop it. Every single test I have had for chemistry or micro has led to acid reflux, heartburn, and then afterwards days of stomach problems (which lead to mild intestinal problems). If I worry about school, if I worry about work, if I sorry about overpopulation . . . it all affects my stomach. I'm sure if I exercised more it would help keep the stress down. (I used to be a third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and worked out 5 nights a week. Then I got a job working evening hours and stopped workin out. Now I can't punch and kick people when I need to!)

Third, anxiety. Ever since my grandparents passed away I have been terrified of my parents, or my brother, or my boyfriend, or myself dying. (Also pets, friends, etc.) (Also also, having chronic stomach problems are not a good way to convince yourself that you are. not. dying.) I know that it is useless to worry about, but I can't help it. Both of my grandparents--my Grandpa and my Boppa--were sick for a long time, and I knew it was coming. My Grandma--my grandma who taught me piano for 13 years, who lived just a half-mile away most of my life, who was incredibly wonderful--it was sudden. She developed ovarian cancer, and passed away about ten months later. Throughout my whole life, I never, ever, ever thought that my Grandma would not live to see me married and to meet her great-grandchildren. It wasn't until she had passed away that I realized she wouldn't, and it just broke my heart. The fact that my incredibly healthy Grandma could be gone in less than a year made me so scared that something could happen to my parents. However unready I was to lose her, I am absolutely not ready to face being without my parents. I have gotten better, a bit, but will still from time to time have a heart-clenching, trembling moment where it overwhelms me.

I think what frustrates me most is that I have made changes, and I still have these problems. And they are affecting my life. My grades are dropping. I don't make time to see my friends because I don't feel well, and would rather stay at home. I don't see Nick as often, which makes me sad. I'm afraid to plan a vacation, because what if I get sick? Better to stay home and hide under my covers.

So. Nick's persistence has finally paid off. (He probably should have just hit me over the head with a frypan to begin with. I am stubborn). He convinced me to go see a damn doctor, already. I've waffled back and forth for days, weeks, months! Because we still have no insurance, and what if the insurance people see it and deny us (hint: they did. Boooo on Kaiser!) and then I'll never get insurance and I'll have a black hole of medical bills, waaah.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, with my own doctor, and I am so, so excited for it. Hopefully this is the beginning (middle?) or the road to good health. (Knocks on wood. Have recently become veeeery superstitious, as it seems my damn stomach can sense happiness or optimism and likes to slam me down with the pain).

Wish me luck! (Also, dear God, this is a novel!)

Weight Loss Confusion

I simply do not understand it. I feel like I'm eating a lot! Internets, I do eat a lot. I eat every 2-3 hours (when I can swing it. Sometimes at school I go much longer. Hey, an 11-9 schedule doesn't leave much room for eatin', ya know?)

So how in hell's holy hand grenade am I still losing weight?! I dropped another half of a pound and am smack dab at 140. I am getting dangerously close to the 135 lbs I weighed when I got my drivers license, five freaking years ago. 

I thought I was going to gain weight, simply by eating immense amounts of chicken pot pie. Last night for dinner I had a half a grilled cheese (cheese = veggie slices) dipped in chicken rice soup. Two hours later I had a blueberry bagel with margarine. An hour later I had a slice of sourdough toast. Over the last week or so my appetite has come back--even when I take a bite of my delicious bagel I am dreaming of what I will eat in a few hours. Everything sounds delicious!

Granted, my meals are smaller than they used to be. (Thinks mournfully of my teenage years "snacks" after school--ramen, two bagels, maybe some cereal too, huge glass of orange juice, some cookies. [Not kidding in the slightest. I ate a lot]). I can't eat big meals now because it makes me reflux. 

Also, my cutting out dairy and eggs on the advice of my college's family practitioner probably has to do with the weight loss. I plan on discussing that with my doctor at my appointment on Wednesday. But I am still flabbergasted when I step on the scale and the numbers keep going down. 

New Best Friend (For Now)

I'd like to give a shout-out to my new best friend, Gaviscon.

Tums and rolaids don't do much to help with my stomach issues of queasiness/heartburn/GERD/ulcers/gastritis/whofreakingknows and I am afraid to take too much Pepto Bismol (read their side effects, eek) and already had to take three doses of that pink chalky tablet two nights ago, plus four antacids, plus two rolaids, and I am so tired of feeling sick and feeling full even though I haven't eaten anything except two bites of toast and some butternut squash soup, and feeling like I have food in the back of my throat and acidic bile taste in my mouth and MY GOD, this all just sucks the big wazoo. I'm still taking 2 Prilosec daily, one every twelve hours, plus digestive enzymes, plus probiotics. And today I added another antacid to my list: Gaviscon Extra Strength Liquid. (In cool mint!) I'm not sure if it really helped, but at least the incredibly minty white chalky flavor has distracted me from the other stuff.

PS I am now down to 143 pounds! I started at 153 and have been holding at 143 for three days. I can't remember the last time I weighed 143. 145 was my goal weight, and now it's like . . . I would rather feel better and weigh 153 again and just lose it the good ol' fashioned exercise way.