Oops

I had a caesar salad with chicken (from Marie Calendar's) for dinner. A couple hours later the sharp bitter burning on the roof of my mouth and down my throat alerted me to the fact that THAT WAS NOT SMART.

Nick was all: "You know that tangy taste in caesar? Yeah. It's not from cheese. Have some acid!"

Oops!

The Long-Anticipated Doctor's Visit!

I had my long awaited doctor's appointment on Wednesday, finally, after months of delaying it because of insurance worries. I started off (after waiting half an hour for the doctor) by telling him what's been going on for the past five months. Remember, his initial diagnosis of my problems was gastritis. 

Well! 

He now believes I have irritable bowel syndrome. Plus reflux. With a little heartburn on the side. He would like to refer me to a specialist, and have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done (oh joy!), but we will wait until I have insurance because those are expensive. 

When he heard how I can obsess over things (like worrying about people dying) and how I stress a lot (to the point where I make myself sick over a test) he nodded and said that he wanted to try something that he had found helped patients with IBS that have this problem. 

He wants me to try anti-depressants. (I'm on dem CRAZY PILLS!) These will provide a filter between my obsessive worrying brain and my delicate as a flower stomach.

My initial reaction was "What?! Crazy pills! I'm not crazy! . . . am I crazy?" I did not actually say any of this out loud. Dr. Amazing gave me some free samples (love. my. doctor.) of Lexapro, which treats for, among other things, General Anxiety Disorder. And . . . huh. I took a test (not intended to be a diagnosing tool!) on the Lexapro site, (yes, I do research all of my medicine. I read the fine print), and gee whiz, I do have some of those . . . quirks. I was still kind of skeptical, in the realm of "I don't want anti-depressants. I'm not depressed! I'm a happy person!" but when I told Nick, right after my appointment, he said that was the first thing he'd heard that really made sense. 

Because I do stress out over ridiculous things, and have some obsessive/compulsive behaviors when it comes to worrying, and sometimes I can't stop. And if these pills can calm that part of me down so I can focus on getting my damn stomach healed, so much the better. 

For my stomach, my doctor sent home a few weeks free of Kapidex 60mg once a day (It is nearly the same as the Prevacid was, except it's two times the dose and this one is a delayed release capsule, so it lasts longer). I started that Wednesday night. So far, it is working much better than the Prilosec twice a day was, but I'm going to wait a few more days before giving it a really positive rating. (Plus, I had a micro test today that stressed me way out, which equals worse tummy and reflux. But it wasn't as bad as it has been! Yay!) 

He also suggested I think about seeing a therapist to discuss ways of coping with stress, besides rerouting all the bad to my stomach. I had tossed that idea around before but didn't ever do anything about it. Now I will. 

Last but not least, (oh, definitely not least), he thinks that I can start eating normally again, just obviously omitting foods that upset my stomach. People. I HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST. I LOVE EGGS. They were the most delicious damn eggs I've ever tasted. If my stomach is still behaving, in about one week I'll start adding dairy in again. (She says, after just eating caesar salad and alfredo from the soccer banquet for Quentin. Oops). 

So! To summarize that hodgepodge of information! The Kapidex should control the crazy acid, which should help the irritable bowel. The Lexapro (1/2 a tab once a day for one week, then one every day) should help me control my stress and worry, which will definitely help my stomach and irritable bowel. My doctor does not think these are forever things, just until my stomach is healed up and I learn better coping techniques. 

I, for one, have learned some very important lessons:

First, if your doctor tells you five months earlier that you should not take hard classes because it will stress you out, LISTEN TO THE MAN. Don't take chemistry and microbiology (and music!) and expect to have an easy time. 

Second, if you are having problems with some aspect of your life, be it coping with stress, or grief, or just plain aaaaackness, get help early, for God's sake.

Third, start a blog because it is very cathartic. 

Anxious (AKA ALL OF MY PROBLEMS, LET ME TELL YOU THEM: Gastritis/GERD/acid reflux/heartburn/anxiety)

I have had stomach problems since June of 2009. After feeling like I had the flu or food poisoning for a week but not throwing up, I went to the doctor and he said it was probably gastritis, brought on by stress (I had like 15 units, including Anatomy, that semester, plus I was working two days a week) (not to mention grief. I lost my Grandma, my Grandpa, and my Boppa [and our family dog Rosie] in less than a year), and my doctor suggested taking Maalox. My mom had Prevacid 30 mg which he said was great, I could take that once a day.

So I did. For weeks. And it helped, it did, but my upset stomach never went away. I should have gone back to my doctor (I love him), but we, like so many other Americans, had lost our health insurance. I didn't want to go in case we were denied for our insurance (whenever we next applied) because I had a preexisting condition. So I put it off. Finally I went in to see my college's family practitioner. She said, since I was running out of the Prevacid, that I could take Prilosec OTC (omeprazole, a proton pump inhibitor) every 12 hours if needed.

And again, so I did. I started getting better! I could eat things again, I could do things again. I was happier.

AND THEN. Then, came the sausage McMuffin of DOOM. I ate a Mcmuffin. I don't even like sausage, so I took two bites of that then threw it away and finished the rest of the delicious, fatty goodness. For lunch I had a huuuuge deli sandwich, and for dinner I had another huuuge meal (I have portion issues. Always need more!) The next morning I was sick. I stayed sick for two weeks, a bad, don't-touch-me-don't-make-me-do-anything-not-going-to-study-go-away kind of upset stomach, and general blahness. And for the first time, I started to experience heartburn. And acid reflux, which for me is a kind of sweet/bitter taste in the back of my throat. I felt like I had some food stuck in the back of my throat but never did. I experienced the usual "burn" around my sternum. I had to take Tums and other antacids and Pepto Bismol often. (One night, after eating wor won ton soup, the only thing that had been sustaining me for days, I had such bad heartburn/reflux/stomach I thought I might throw up, and spent nearly two hours walking around and watching silly movies to distract myself. (Thank you again, Nick, for staying with me, even though I didn't want to talk or touch or do anything but Google different reflux medications [Aciphex, Protonix, Nexium] because it made me feel better to read about how people GOT BETTER. It is possible!) That night I took, if I remember correctly, three doses of Pepto Bismol, four generic antacids, and two rolaids, plus my usual nightly Prilosec.

I now have Googled so much about proton pump inhibitors and H2 blockers that I probably mutter about them in my sleep. I know procedures. I know prices. (HOLYSHITONTOAST Aciphex prescription for one month is $205. GAH).

It has now been about four weeks since the McMuffin of Doom. I have been gradually inching my way towards feelin better again. But I am still not "better". This is messing with my life. I have dropped 13 pounds, and I am still losing weight. I have a very restricted diet (and now more food cravings than I know what to do with, or are able to indulge). My stomach is still bad, I still get heartburn, and I still reflux. I am right now.

Here's what I have noticed plays a roll in when I feel sick:

First, obviously, if I eat anything spicy, fatty, caffinated, acidic, etc. etc. I actually have cut all that out of my diet so I can't swear if it affects me, but I am too scared right now to try anything that can potentially worsen my stomach.

Second, STRESS. My God. I have a microbiology test on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and I know I am stressed about it, but I can't do anything to stop it. Every single test I have had for chemistry or micro has led to acid reflux, heartburn, and then afterwards days of stomach problems (which lead to mild intestinal problems). If I worry about school, if I worry about work, if I sorry about overpopulation . . . it all affects my stomach. I'm sure if I exercised more it would help keep the stress down. (I used to be a third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and worked out 5 nights a week. Then I got a job working evening hours and stopped workin out. Now I can't punch and kick people when I need to!)

Third, anxiety. Ever since my grandparents passed away I have been terrified of my parents, or my brother, or my boyfriend, or myself dying. (Also pets, friends, etc.) (Also also, having chronic stomach problems are not a good way to convince yourself that you are. not. dying.) I know that it is useless to worry about, but I can't help it. Both of my grandparents--my Grandpa and my Boppa--were sick for a long time, and I knew it was coming. My Grandma--my grandma who taught me piano for 13 years, who lived just a half-mile away most of my life, who was incredibly wonderful--it was sudden. She developed ovarian cancer, and passed away about ten months later. Throughout my whole life, I never, ever, ever thought that my Grandma would not live to see me married and to meet her great-grandchildren. It wasn't until she had passed away that I realized she wouldn't, and it just broke my heart. The fact that my incredibly healthy Grandma could be gone in less than a year made me so scared that something could happen to my parents. However unready I was to lose her, I am absolutely not ready to face being without my parents. I have gotten better, a bit, but will still from time to time have a heart-clenching, trembling moment where it overwhelms me.

I think what frustrates me most is that I have made changes, and I still have these problems. And they are affecting my life. My grades are dropping. I don't make time to see my friends because I don't feel well, and would rather stay at home. I don't see Nick as often, which makes me sad. I'm afraid to plan a vacation, because what if I get sick? Better to stay home and hide under my covers.

So. Nick's persistence has finally paid off. (He probably should have just hit me over the head with a frypan to begin with. I am stubborn). He convinced me to go see a damn doctor, already. I've waffled back and forth for days, weeks, months! Because we still have no insurance, and what if the insurance people see it and deny us (hint: they did. Boooo on Kaiser!) and then I'll never get insurance and I'll have a black hole of medical bills, waaah.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, with my own doctor, and I am so, so excited for it. Hopefully this is the beginning (middle?) or the road to good health. (Knocks on wood. Have recently become veeeery superstitious, as it seems my damn stomach can sense happiness or optimism and likes to slam me down with the pain).

Wish me luck! (Also, dear God, this is a novel!)

Weight Loss Confusion

I simply do not understand it. I feel like I'm eating a lot! Internets, I do eat a lot. I eat every 2-3 hours (when I can swing it. Sometimes at school I go much longer. Hey, an 11-9 schedule doesn't leave much room for eatin', ya know?)

So how in hell's holy hand grenade am I still losing weight?! I dropped another half of a pound and am smack dab at 140. I am getting dangerously close to the 135 lbs I weighed when I got my drivers license, five freaking years ago. 

I thought I was going to gain weight, simply by eating immense amounts of chicken pot pie. Last night for dinner I had a half a grilled cheese (cheese = veggie slices) dipped in chicken rice soup. Two hours later I had a blueberry bagel with margarine. An hour later I had a slice of sourdough toast. Over the last week or so my appetite has come back--even when I take a bite of my delicious bagel I am dreaming of what I will eat in a few hours. Everything sounds delicious!

Granted, my meals are smaller than they used to be. (Thinks mournfully of my teenage years "snacks" after school--ramen, two bagels, maybe some cereal too, huge glass of orange juice, some cookies. [Not kidding in the slightest. I ate a lot]). I can't eat big meals now because it makes me reflux. 

Also, my cutting out dairy and eggs on the advice of my college's family practitioner probably has to do with the weight loss. I plan on discussing that with my doctor at my appointment on Wednesday. But I am still flabbergasted when I step on the scale and the numbers keep going down. 

There is a Tent in My Living Room

The tent is so we can check that there are no holes in the fabric before we leave for our Yosemite backpacking trip. Each day we are going about 7-11 miles at a very high elevation, and we take everything with us except food. (Apparently the food is deelish! Brought in on mules!)

In other exciting news, I just got a super happy tentative diagnosis of gastritis by my wonderful doctor (seriously nice guy) after I finally caved in and made an appointment after 6 days of constant dull pain and nausea and lower bowel issues. He said to take an acid reduce (prevacid) and a probiotic (align [expensive!]) and gas-x and pepto bismol as needed, and that it will be hopefully better in about 2 weeks. Yay!

This has been an awesome summer, with me being sick. About three days after the semester ended I wound up with a really sucky cold that knocked me out for about a week. A week after I recovered from that I got a urinary tract infection (peeing blood) and went on cipro antibiotics. A week or so after that I caught Vicky's flu for two days and then relapsed during Nick's camping trip. And now I have gastritis. The doctor said that my system is probably way out of whack, with being sick so much, and that hopefully the acid reducer and the probiotic will get me back on track.

In conclusion: Nick, you were right about making me see a doctor. Mom, you were right about saying what was wrong and also that our doctor would be cheaper than the county clinic. Aimee, you were right to say to take an acid-reducer. I'm sure other people were right too, but right now my stomach is too rumbly to think about it. (But no pain! NOOOO PAAAIN! Yess!)

Cross your fingers for me that this works! Also, wish me lots and lots of luck and happy stomach feelings on this trip, since we will be in the middle of nowhere.